Category Archives: pandemic

It’s Days Like Today…

May 11th 2020

COVID-19:

1,395,027 US Total Cases

82,555 US Total Deaths

4,312,716 Global Total Cases

290,945 Global Total Deaths

It’s days like today when I feel as if my anxiety is ravaging all that I am, engulfing me whole. The shackles that have weighed me down and suffocated me my entire life, I must learn to let them go. Accepting You as my Lord and Savior, I know you’re a chain breaker, you can do anything, you are purely perfect. I am the sinful one, unable to release the chains that you have already broken on my behalf. I pray that you teach me to let them go, leave them behind and never look back again. Set me free from the bondage of this flesh. Some days it’s too painful to live in this shell on this temporary home. Now you have opened my eyes. Allowing me to see through your eyes and your heart has enabled me to feel the grief and sorrow as I witness the destruction and chaos that ensues around me. All for what? For idolatry, power, fame, beauty, greed, wealth, vanity, temptation, luxury, lust, convenience, apathy, comfort, sin. Everything you taught us not to be, we have become.

We are the new Babylon. Oh how far we have fallen from you my Lord. Oh how much anguish my soul feels and pain my heart endures. But I prayed for this, I prayed continuously for you to fill me with more of you, allow me to see and feel through you, allow you to see and feel through me, to make me your home, make me your temple, empty me out and fill this hallowed vessel with all of you. I never knew the heartache and grief that would come from seeing your creation today as you do. We have fallen so far away from you, turned against every teaching you gave us, threw aside The Word you left for us. We chose to become our own gods, we chose to empty our minds rather than fill them with you, our hearts became cold, our words became venom, we extinguished the fire that used to burn within – the helper you sent to us. The holy spirit, we silenced him. We can no longer hear you because we choose not to listen to you. We are a world of self worship, self validation, self gratification, self preservation. Idolatry to its fullest. Oh what have we become my Abba?

My eyes are open and I feel like a stranger in a place I do not belong, not of this world. It’s days like today, those chains weigh me to the ground. And through all the grief I am wrapped in, the only thing constant, true, unchangeable is you. It’s days like today I close my eyes and confide completely in you. And some days when my mind is able to let the chains fall away, you transcend me to a secret place. In this secret place I find you my Father, the greatest comforter I have ever known. And in some of those intimate moments, it’s as if I can feel you wrapping this temporal body in the infinite perfect peace that you are my Shiloh. I sit with you and thank you for being the closest friend I have ever known. You died so that I may live. And now I live in you, with you, learning to be like you, beside you.

To have spent my entire life searching for you before I even knew you, to finally find you, feel you, know you and draw deeper into your well has been the greatest accomplishment of my life. It’s days like today when I thank you for allowing me to feel the pain, sorrow, heartache. In order to know you deeper, I must learn about all of you fully. Then I meet you in our secret place and you provide me with what is necessary to make it through the day. And that is all I need to make it through in this temporary home.

“Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” -John 4:14

Journal Entry 4.8.2020

USA: 
17,709 new cases 
1,373 new deaths
418,044 total cases 
14,214 total deaths

This is a journal to record world events as they unfold daily during the COVID-19 global pandemic. This journal will be passed down to my children and their children, and so on. I am recording this so they can see what their ancestors experienced during this time in history. Life has been busy with HelpHospitals. We have ordered over 300,000 masks to donate to nurses and doctors in hospitals around the country while they battle this monster on the frontlines.

We are still on “shelter-in-place” lockdown in San Antonio, Texas. This week and next week we are being advised to not leave our homes under any circumstances. These will potentially be peak weeks for some states in the US. We are now training our dog Bentley to use the restroom inside on pads so we do not have to leave the house again to take her outside. I have been pretty much in isolation since I got sick on February 24th, with the exception of being admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks and outside to walk Bentley. Now, we will not step foot outside the apartment for a while. We don’t know how long that may be.

I hope to get an antibody test here soon, if I have any antibodies I can then donate plasma to help other patients sick with COVID-19. Convalescent plasma helps tremendously with the healing process for acutely ill COVID-19 patients. A biotech lab in Colorado has created an antibody test they will begin using for residents in Colorado. This will also allow those with any immunity to go back to work and restart our economy again.

190 nations infected in what has now been declared a global pandemic. Total global cases now 1,489,457, with total global deaths now 87,292. Most of Europe, the Americas and Asia are shut down, people staying in their homes and the global economy at a halt. China has restarted some of their production for exports. We will see if they have a second wave of outbreaks now that people are congregating again and going back to work. 

New York, New Jersey, and Louisiana are being hit especially hard right now. Many hospitals are at capacity, PPE is scarce, ventilators and necessary intubation medications are running out, as they were being imported from China and India. Mardi Gras in Louisiana I’m sure exacerbated the spread in Louisiana and states in the south. Same goes for Spring Break in Florida I presume, the beaches were crowded and people dispersed across the country afterwards.

In New York, 779 people have died so far today, not including an additional 195 deaths per day in homes according to NYFD . Total deaths in New York are 6,268, over double that of casualties from 9/11. These coming weeks will be the “Pearl Harbor” of our lifetime  according to our politicians and mainstream media. We are living in history at this moment, what a time to be alive. It is a harrowing, surreal, overwhelming, heavy, lonesome, difficult time for all of us humans to be living through this moment in history.

Out of all of these emotions, the one thing I am not is afraid.

  “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own puprose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began.” – 2 Timothy 1:6-9

Wake Up Sleepers

March 22nd 2020:

“Where, except in uncreated light, can the darkness be drowned?” -C.S. Lewis

It has been ten days since my last post. Being hospitalized took a lot out of me, but I will save all of those details for a future blog post. My body, mind and spirit just needed rest and healing to be completely honest. So here we are, ten days later. If you choose to continue reading this tiny blog from an ER nurse down in little/big San Antonio, Texas, I thank you in advance.

I started this blog with the intention to write every day about my experience during a global pandemic as a 33 year old healthy ER nurse, no kids, living in a one bedroom apartment downtown with her boyfriend and mini golden doodle. Something for myself and potential children/grandchildren to one day look back on. A scrapbook of compiled memories during a moment that would be life changing for not only my beautiful nation, but for the world as well. We will never be quite the same after this, maybe a long time from now that could be a good thing. 

Maybe one day in the distant future we will walk outside and inhale the fresh air with feelings of pure gratitude. We will look forward to a handshake with a stranger. A hug with a friend or acquaintance will be a feeling of human touch that we as humans so need and so dearly missed, there will be feeling attached to the human contact of each hug thereafter. Speaking face to face will be a cherished experience, as we have become so accustomed to a constant flood of texts and posts on social media. Let’s be honest White Claw Happy Hour on FaceTime with your besties and your Spotify playlist in the background just isn’t quite as fun as the real deal, but humans are a resilient species so for now we will make do. The first night I get to spend with my closest friends after this will be a memorable one that I will never forget.

The smallest daily tasks that we all took for granted will be seen with deep gratitude through a new, fresh set of eyes. In this short blip of time on the grand scale of time, humans self-quarantining for one month has begun to heal the planet and free the animals. The past weeks we have seen dolphins swimming in the crystal clear canals of Venice, deer roaming streets of Japan, monkeys enjoying the beaches of Thailand, China with historically lower carbon dioxide emissions and clear blue skies for the first time in a long time. Oh how much the earth has healed while we have stayed away. I hope when all of this is over, we will appreciate her more, be kinder to her, take better care of her and ALL of her earthly inhabitants, it is our duty.

Be kind to each other my fellow brothers and sisters, some people may be hanging on by a thread right now and small acts of kindness could be a literal life saver for a lot of us. Take care of your body, mind and spirit. Give love and give thanks as much as you can, our light shines brightest in the darkness.  I pray for all of humanity right now. My faith will never be shaken and we will get through this together, united. I love you all, stay safe and Godspeed everyone.

“Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” -Ephesians 5:14

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” -John 1:5

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” -Matthew 5:16